Leah Ao Xin

I have a hunch that this blog post will reach record traffic levels due to the amount of people that love my cousin Mark Trombino and his wife Carol. This has been a life changing time for them and briefly being a part of it has been such unbelievably good fortune for myself. It is a great honor to be bringing many of you the first photos of father, mother and new child all together, either on this blog or on Facebook. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a bit unfair for me to meet Leah before her own older sister, but Priya, you’re going to see this little bundle of energy in Arizona quite soon. Mark and Carol had their hands full here in China, literally and figuratively.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, my girlfriend Sharman and I travelled to Guangzhou this weekend to meet my first cousin Mark (my dad’s sister’s son) as he and his wife Carol went through the final steps to fully adopting Leah Ao Xin Trombino. They met Leah on Monday morning in Harbin, China after nearly two years of research, paperwork and nail biting. Harbin, a freezing city in Northeastern China, is Leah’s birthplace and where she’s lived for the first four years of her life. After a few days there, the three of them hopped on a plane down to Guangzhou on China’s much warmer southern coast. All American adoptions in China must go through Guangzhou, as this is the location of the US Consulate.  

On Saturday morning, the day after the Trombino’s arrived in Guangzhou, Sharman and I took the two-hour train from Hong Kong meet them, as well as my good friend Henry who lives in Guangzhou and hosted Sharman and I. For the rest of the weekend, we were able to see just how special Leah Ao Xin really is. Despite all the certainly confusing stuff that’s been happening to her lately, she was nothing but smiles, laughter and love for the whole time we were with her. According to Mark and Carol, it only took about a day until she fully embraced them as her new parents, saying Baba and Mama all the time. Her first English sentence earlier in the week was “I love you.” Her second, thanks to Elmo and his videos, was “That’s not a frog!”

Much of Leah’s past is unknown but we do know that after a few months in an orphanage, from ages one to four, Leah she was in a loving foster family. This may explain why she was immediately so trusting and open, while a child straight from the orphanage may be shy and take longer to adjust to his/her adopted family. We went on a brief Guangzhou sightseeing tour with a number of adopted children and their American parents, and I can safely say that Ao Xin was the most comfortable, outgoing child of the lot. She is a little person like her parents, but even in spite of that, she’s quite mobile. Perhaps faster than her old man already!

Also this weekend, I was given reason number #2,654 why I’m lucky to be with Sharman. As a speaker of Mandarin (in addition to Cantonese and English), she was able to translate her parents’ instructions for Leah as well as helping Mark and Carol get some understanding on Leah's constant chatter towards them. She was always saying funny, adorable things in Mandarin like “Dad, I drew a heart” or “Is it yummy?” or “Write horizontally!” that her parents would have otherwise had no way of understanding. Not to mention that Sharman is a preschool teacher and a natural with young kids. She and I are so looking forward to seeing Leah again in a month on Christmas day in Phoenix. By that time, I’m sure her English will be increasing at the speed of light.

I was sad to leave them so soon but even though it was only a weekend, I know I’ll remember this as long as I live. It’s still hard to comprehend that this adorable little four-year-old who speaks only a couple words of English is my new cousin. At this moment, they’re in Guangzhou still but they leave on Thanksgiving Day to begin life as a family of four!

Balance

This is a post that has nothing to do with me, Hong Kong or any specific event that's occurred recently. Instead, it's my most recent postulate upon some of life's eternal questions. I wrote this after a Skype chat with a friend, as I found the need to remind myself and my friend to step back and think of the big picture a bit more than either of us has been recently. All is just fine in my life these days, but who's to say that we should only ponder the Big Questions in times of trial? So here it is. The importance of balance. 

When caught up in one’s day-to-day routine, it’s easy to lose track of the fundamental reasons why one does what one does with the majority of the waking hours. For example, after three years of schooling, all that undergrad biology school student Samantha may think about is her hours inputting data in the lab, her memorization of terms and her exam scores. With our tendency to think in the short term, it’s easy for Samantha to forget that she’s building up her knowledge to one day save lives in a real hospital. And even if not every fact is applicable to life in the ICU, it all is necessary to get the diploma that leads to another diploma, which leads to a medical job. Or even a college grad like say, Tony, who serves as a tour guide in an art museum near his home. He may stress about his taxes, his weight problems, and the repetitive nature of his job, but in reality, there isn’t a day that goes by where one of the people on his tours develops an entirely new appreciation of art thanks to Tony’s insight on the exhibits. Even those without meaningful full-time occupations can give the world great gifts through love and wisdom in countless different ways.

To reflect on my vaguely Buddhist thinking, I like to think that life is one long journey to achieve perfect balance. Think of it as designing the perfect, hybrid car. Things may be running smoothly, but there are always tweaks to be made, be it the engine, overall comfort or effective airbags. These tweaks that need to be made are not burdensome but healthy challenges, stimulating the mind for the long term and providing rewarding results in the short term. By the time I’m destined to die, I’d like to hope that I will have achieved the perfect balance for the car to drive off into the sunset. A calm, efficient ride, reaching high speeds, but not so fast as to miss the scenery. On top of that, the car will be completely sustainable. Taking in the exact amount of energy that it gives back, through improving the universe and other people’s lives. 

This balance can also be seen as inhale and exhale. The inhale is learning and taking from the world and its resources. The exhale is teaching and giving. This is most obviously displayed in the universal norm working for wages, but should be present in every aspect of life. Hospitable strangers host you in a foreign land; you allow foreigners to stay in your home free of charge. You learn from your father how to catch a fish; you teach your daughter how to catch a fish. You have a revelation from the natural beauty at a national park; you encourage others to go on a similar hike and/or volunteer to pick up trash along the trails. You’re born into a wealthy family; you spend time experiencing and informing others what it’s like to be in dire circumstances and how to approach the disparity. 

I find it much more natural to dwell on the negative aspects of life than to bask in the positive. For whatever reason, the human brain naturally fixates on problems and when something is satisfactory, it’s taken for granted and ignored. It’s crucial to have moments to step back and look at what really matters, and to me that’s having a life that makes the world a better place, pardon the cliché. On any given day, most people have a handful of issues or regrets that add up to something terrible, something commonly called stress. But when one looks back at those issues and regrets just one short year in the future, most if not all of those stress components will be purely trivial. 

In reality, so many of the important factors in life are out of our control. Where we’re born, what genes we inherit, what kind of family we have, who we meet, unexpected experiences and events, luck, timing, tragedies, etc. But as we can only control our own choices, the most we can do is hope to find this balance and know how to approach the past, present and future. All without giving in to negativity, stress, worry and/or cynicism, no matter how bleak it may seem sometimes. Breathe in, breathe out.